The Loch Ness Monster is an imminent threat to David Cameron’s Tories, according to Nessie experts.
The monster has been seen swimming up the River Thames towards the Houses of Parliament. Sightings of the legendary creature have been reported by several Tory election candidates. Nessie expert John McDonald said, ‘Something has aroused Nessie’s ire’, forcing the creature to abandon its normally quiet life in Scotland and turning it into ‘a Tory killing machine’.
‘Make no mistake,’ Mr McDonald added, ‘this creature can devour Tory politicians like there’s no tomorrow. Even Eric Pickles won’t be a swallowing problem.’ The monster is expected to reach Westminster next Thursday when, Mr McDonald predicted, ‘David Cameron is likely to be viewing Nessie’s innards’. Meanwhile there have been reports of a creature resembling a dragon making its way up the River Severn.